


Keeping Up with the Assassins

by AllTheFeels



Category: Assassin's Creed
Genre: Crack, Desmond is a grown ass man, M/M, Mostly Crack, References to Drugs, Texting, literally Lucy and Rebecca arguing over whether or not Desmond and Shaun are dating, plus a bunch of very weird group texts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-23
Updated: 2015-08-23
Packaged: 2018-04-16 18:27:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4635681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheFeels/pseuds/AllTheFeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Living in close proximity with 3 other people for extended amounts of time can be a little strange. Desmond can attest to that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keeping Up with the Assassins

**Author's Note:**

> The idea for this came up at nearly midnight while staying at friend's place. She was playing Assassin's Creed 2, I was ruining everything. Fun times.  
> Don't expect too much to be in character, we wrote this back and forth while exhausted and jacked up on Blueberry Muffins and Kickstart.

LS: Have you seen Desmond?

RC: Nope.

LS: Have you seen Shaun?

RC: Nope.

LS: How much food do we have left?

RC: All we have is a bag of Shaun’s mini tortilla chips--- the scoop ones.

LS: They probably snuck out and went to the store, then. I don’t think they understand online grocery shopping. Don’t you think it’s bit weird that they keep doing this?

RC: Even though we keep suggesting the online shopping? Yeah.

LS: It’s drugs, isn’t it? 

RC: If Captain Crunch counts as drugs.

LS: I’m being serious. 

RC: So am I!! Shaun’s a slut for Captain Crunch!

LS: And Desmond?

RC: Demond’s just a slut for Shaun. 

LS: I...don’t think so.

LS: They’re just friends.

 

[Rebecca- New Message From: Desmond Miles]

 

DM: At the store. Need anything?

RC: Pop tarts.

DM: What kind?

RC: Just grab like 6 boxes. NOT BLUEBERRY.

DM: Shaun just grabbed 6 Blueberries.

RC: Tell Shaun I hate him. 

RC: And I’ll never buy him Tortilla Chips again. 

DM: He put them back.

DM: Lucy need anything?

RC: Tampons. 

DM: Ok, switching isles to get some.

DM: Shaun is being a big baby and refused to touch them. Brb. 

RC: I’M KIDDING DESMOND WE HAVE A SIX MONTH SUPPLY. DO NOT BUY TAMPONS.

RC: I REPEAT.

RC: DO NOT BUY TAMPONS.

DM: Putting them back.

DM: Does she actually need anything?

RC: Well, Lucy thinks you’re out buying drugs, so come back with a small-ish bag of weed.

DM: Do I need the weed?

RC: It’s for science, Desmond. Science.

DM: ????

RC: I want to see what happens if I send you into the Animus stoned.

DM: K.

RC: Don’t tell Lucy. 

DM: What do I tell Shaun?

RC: It’s for “stuff”. 

DM: K.

 

[Lucy-New message from Shaun Hastings]

 

SH: Rebecca sent us to buy marijuana. 

LS: Do not give anyone your names. Do not leave a phone number. Do not exchange cash, but get rid of it. Hide your faces from cameras--- you better be wearing a jacket --- and avoid the police. Do not bring it back here. We don’t need a drug possession charge on top of our list of illegal activities.

SH: K.

 

[Lucy- New Message from Desmond Miles]

 

DM: Rebecca was going to put me in the animus stoned. I thought it would help me forget all the things I’ve seen Ezio do.

LS: Desmond, you’re grounded.

DM: I’m a grown-ass man.

DM: I’m 26.

LS: GROUNDED.

DM: K. Buying more weed now.

LS: GROUNDED FOR TWO WEEKS. NO TECHNOLOGY.

DM: ...what do you think the Animus is?

LS: ...

LS: Have you ever done the marijuana?

DM: Lucy...I was a bartender. Nice bar, but still. I’ve seen things. I’ve done things.

LS: WHAT?!

DM: Hey, it’s not like I had much else before the whole kidnapped, shoved in a trunk…

LS: Don’t start.

DM: Brb. Buying LSD for Shaun.

LS: I WILL TRACK YOUR PHONE. 

DM: Good luck with that. Shaun’s smarter than you.


End file.
